Monday, January 20

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The Pain of Being a Fine Boy in Nigeria

by Tobenna



To be honest, being a fine boy in Nigeria can be tough. It has more cons than pros.

The pros are few and far-fetched. Unfamiliar women can look at you and be nice to you and would want to talk to you. Some of them (the ones not thinking you are gay) will offer to buy you a drink or two. But it is usually the much older women that will approach you and sometimes openly declare their sexual interest.


Every once in a while you will get a really honest person stop you and tell you are really good-looking.

A family (a middle-aged man and his lovely wife) once stopped me at the mall and told me to my face: "You are a really beautiful man."

It was at Ebeano Supermarket. On another occasion, a cute young lady in suit offered to pay for my cream.


This is how the conversation started:

"Whatever cream you use that gives you this shine, you should continue using it," she said.

I smiled. "Thank you. I would have, if it didn't suddenly become very expensive."

"How much is very expensive and can I see the cream?"

I picked it and showed her. She looked at the price tag and then dropped the jar into my basket. "I will pay for that," she said.

But, to me, just that's about it -- the compliments and small gifts.


Relationships are harder for good-looking guys, using myself as an example here. I'm straight but I get hit up by men more than girls. Every girl just concludes I'm a player slash heartbreaker slash gigolo! They would rather avoid you than try to get close and feel something deep for you.

Even now many Nigerian girls have joined the "Money Over Looks" gang. Especially the ones that are at least attractive.

In fact, the whole concept of attraction still amazes to this day. I've met a fine girl who didn't find me remotely attractive. Not like I asked her out or anything. She was friends with one of my guys and one day, during one of those things guy friends do, my guy tried to mock match us up. Half drunk and staggering, the girl said I was the last person she'd dream of dating. According to her, if it's not Xandax, it's nobody else.

The Xandax guy is short and would not pass the cute guy's standard for a lot of folks. But then, that's the confusing way attraction works.

Cute guys rarely maintain a good friendship after breaking up. After my first girlfriend and I separated, I tried everything humanly possible to remain good friends with her but she was just as erratic after the breakup as she was the time we were still dating. She blocked and unblocked at will and one minute she was nice and sounding cool, then the next minute she was a whole different person entirely.

My second girlfriend used me as an experiment. We've been together several months before she finally confessed to me that she is a lesbian and had only agreed to date me in order to confirm if she's remotely bisexual.

She said to me that morning: "When I saw you, I didn't exactly know what I felt. You were so fine and I mistook that for attraction."

"So you were not attracted to me?"

She held my hand. "See, Tobey, I am into girls. I hoped that by being with you I'd confirm if any truth exists in what they say about girls like me being bisexual."

"You are a lesbian?" I couldn't contain my shock.

"Yes."

"How is that possible, you don't look like one."

She gave me the kind of derisive smile I received the day I asked her to explain feminism to me. "So in your own world, how do lesbians look? With manly arms and a beard?" she said.

And I needed not another word to realize I'd sounded dumb. I liked her -- she is super intelligent and taught me a lot of things I did not know.

Your relationship with other men will not be that smooth either. Unless they are your main niggaz or just some really nice trouble-free folk, things can easily get rocky.

They look at you and judge you and think up some nasty stuff. It's almost as if they think you are standing in their way for something. A guy had once threatened to beat me up if I don't leave his "girl" alone.

I didn't know the "girl" he was talking about and he wouldn't explain when I asked.

"Just stay the f**k away from her!" he continued barking.

He got me really very scared that evening. Luckily, nothing happened to me after several months. Perhaps he later found the right guy going after his "girl" and decided to leave me alone.

Expect things to get more awkward in your dealings with other people. Good looks can make you shy and affect the way you interact with people. Sometimes you want to be a little free and loud and all that but you can't possibly do that because people will think something different.

Everyone will easily believe you are proud or a snub. You will hear something like: "That one thinks because he is fine, so, so, so ..."


***

Call me Tobey, just an innocent boy trying to elevate his hustle. Follow me on Instagram.

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