Monday, September 11

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Life Story: I am gay but I'm grateful to my wife

by Arshi Ansari



I was not ready to get married, but my parents forced me to enter the holy matrimony.

I gave in, thanks to my parents’ emotional blackmail and l tied the knot to Suyanshi on November, 2014.


Life was never the same again.


It was our golden night; the one that men can't stop dreaming about. I entered the room after much deliberation and found her sitting on the bed, draped in bridal refinery.

She was so beautiful that it was hard to not get attracted to her. And, I tried my best to do the same.

But I failed.

I tried to make love to her but I failed. I gathered all my courage to get aroused and have sex with her because my parents told me that everything will be fine once I am married, but I failed.

The night passed and I thought it was best to sleep and let the awkwardness die a natural death.

Next morning, I found her sleeping beside me. I got up hurriedly, took a bath and went for a long drive, ignoring the post-wedding madness at home.

I drove, drove and drove.

I had to turn back, when I got a call from my father instructing me to be at home at once. I reached home, only to find everyone busy discussing the much anticipated pagphera ceremony that was to be held later in the night.


 Much to my discomfort, I got engulfed in those preparations too. I ignored Suyanshi the whole day and she went back to her parents’ home at night.

She returned after a week and unfortunately, I was not happy to have her back. She was right there, inside my bedroom. And, I couldn’t help but notice the strange anxiety in the air.

I tried my best to suppress all the discomforting thoughts and pretended to be the perfect husband, but as expected I failed yet again.

I could see her making the extra effort to make me notice her, but she too had her share of failures and this was just the beginning.


***

When everything failed, she tried to talk to me, but I chose to sleep through this nightmare of a night. When I woke up, she was standing beside the window.

She appeared similar to how she was last night, but her eyes were weary. She saw me wake up and before I could get out of the bed, she came to sit next to me.

I knew I had no escape, at least not this time.

She was bold, I was surprised.

She asked me what my problem was. I kept quiet.

She raised obvious questions, “Do you love another girl?”

“Is there any problem with me?”

She kept talking and I kept mum.

She went to the extent of shaking me up and demanding an answer.

At last, I chose to be honest. And I declared clearly, “I am gay. My parents forced me to marry you, so that they could hide this fact about me, which sadly embarrasses them.”

Her eyes bulged out of shock.

She grabbed my car keys from the side table and went out of the room, without uttering a word.

The next thing I heard, was the sound of my car’s engine.

She was gone.

***

Days later, I received the divorce papers and a note from her that read, “I respect your sexuality, but you should have told me about this before tying the knot with me.”

I signed the papers and sent them back.

But sadly, I didn’t find the courage to reply to her note, and that’s something I regret till date.

She was gone for good, but unleashed my conscience. I know we won’t meet again, but I’ll always be thankful to her for teaching me to be honest about myself.

I’ve finally learnt to respect my sexuality and I have left the world of those who don’t.

Right now I think I can comfortably say that I am happy being myself.

***

This story was narrated to me by a friend, whose identity cannot be revealed.

1 comment:

  1. Am a very free minded person but much as I try I don't understand this gay thing.

    ReplyDelete

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